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When You Are on Duty
Private Love vs. Public Office
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Z: The river has broken its banks. Twenty people are standing on a roof, and the county boat holds four. A young doctor is in charge of the loading, and he wears the county's coat. Among the twenty is his own daughter.
M: He is both things at once. You cannot cut a man in half along the collar of his coat. And I will tell you something you may not expect. A doctor who feels nothing for his daughter will not feel much for yours either.
Z: I am not asking him to feel nothing. I am asking whose hand is on the boat. He did not buy it. Twenty families paid for that boat, and they paid for the coat as well.
M: Then say plainly what you want him to do this morning.
Z: Load by injury. Worst first, and do not read the names aloud. And here is why I trust that rule more than I trust his judgement. It was written last winter by people who did not know whose daughter would be on that roof. That is not a weakness in the rule. That is the whole reason it is worth having.
M: A carpenter would agree with you, I suppose.
Z: He would. A carpenter does not judge a straight line by eye, however good his eye is. He keeps a square and a line, and he uses them on the days when he feels certain.
M: Then hear me say this clearly, because people quote me badly. I agree with you. In the burning house I was a father, and I held nothing but my own arms. This man is holding a boat that twenty families paid for.
Z: Then we have finished early. Why do you still sound as though something has been lost?
M: Because something has been lost. He will load his daughter fourth, he will be right, and then he will go home. Ask what is left of that man in ten years. A county that asks this of its officers will one day run out of officers.
Z: I hear the cost, and I am willing to pay it. But look at what you would spend instead. You would spend the third man in the line. He owns no coat and no ready argument, and his family is not sitting in this conversation.
M: Then grant me one small thing. Let your rule govern his hands and leave his face alone. He may load her fourth and weep while he does it, and your list will be exactly the same.
Z: I have never legislated a face and I never will. But do not mistake his tears for a payment. The third man in the line is not repaid by watching a doctor suffer.
M: Then let us spend neither of them. Take the list out of his hands. Not because he would cheat, but because no man should have to write his daughter's name fourth. Send for the officer from the next county and let him sort the line for one hour.
Z: You have just written a rule. Notice how it works. You wrote it out of kindness to him, and it operates by taking the decision away from him. That is my method in your handwriting.
M: It is your method with something added. Your rule and my rule produce the same list. Mine also gives a person back to his family at the end of the day.
Z: At the end of the day. Then show me where the coat comes off. He walks home, there is one bowl of rice, and a neighbour's child is at his door. Is he an officer then?
M: No. At his own door he is a father again, and he may feed his own child first. That is where my whole position lives.
Z: I do not need the coat to be always on. I only want you to admit that you cannot show me the exact line where it comes off.
M: I cannot. Neither can your rule, and yours is the one that is written down.
Z: Now the honest question, and I want a plain answer. No officer arrives from the next county, so he sorts the line himself. He puts his daughter in the boat first, nobody learns of it, and she lives. Was he wrong?
M: Yes.
Z: Give me your reason in your own language, not in mine.
M: He did not simply take a seat. He took it from a man standing in the water who trusted the coat. That trust is not paper. It is why twenty frightened people stand in a line, and his daughter will need it next year.
Z: I will take your officer from the next county, and gladly. But he will not always arrive in time. On most mornings the coat and the father are the same tired person, standing alone in the water.
M: Then on those mornings everything rests on what kind of man he already is. You are building the boat. I am trying to build him.
Z: Build him. But put the rule in the boat as well, for the mornings when you have not finished.
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