很牛的辞职信

Dear   Co-Workers   and   Managers,

As   many   of   you   probably   know,   today   is   my   last   day.   But   before   I   leave,   I   want
ed   to   take   this   opportunity   to   let   you   know   what   a   great   and   distinct   pleasure
  it   has   been   to   type   "Today   is   my   last   day."

For   nearly   as   long   as   I "ve   worked   here,   I "ve   hoped   that   I   might   one   day   leav
e   this   company.   And   now   that   this   dream   has   become   a   reality,   please   know   that
  I   could   not   have   reached   this   goal   without   your   unending   lack   of   support.   Wor  
ds   cannot   express   my   gratitude   for   the   words   of   gratitude   you   did   not   express.


I   would   especially   like   to   thank   all   of   my   managers   both   past   and   present   but
with   the   exception   of   the   wonderful   Saroj   Hariprashad:   in   an   age   where   miscomm
unication   is   all   too   common,   you   consistently   impressed   and   inspired   me   with   t  
he   sheer   magnitude   of   your   misinformation,   ignorance   and   intolerance   for   true
talent.   It   takes   a   strong   man   to   admit   his   mistake   -   it   takes   a   stronger   man   t
o   attribute   his   mistake   to   me.

Over   the   past   seven   years,   you   have   taught   me   more   than   I   could   ever   ask   for   a
nd,   in   most   cases,   ever   did   ask   for.   I   have   been   fortunate   enough   to   work   with
  some   absolutely   interchangeable   supervisors   on   a   wide   variety   of   seemingly   id  
entical   projects   -   an   invaluable   lesson   in   overcoming   daily   tedium   in   overcomi
ng   daily   tedium   in   overcoming   daily   tedium.

Your   demands   were   high   and   your   patience   short,   but   I   take   great   solace   knowin
g   that   my   work   was,   as   stated   on   my   annual   review,   "meets   expectation."   That
  is   the   type   of   praise   that   sends   a   man   home   happy   after   a   10   hour   day,   smilin  
g   his   way   through   half   a   bottle   of   meets   expectation   scotch   with   a   meets   expec
tation   cigar.   Thanks   Trish!

And   to   most   of   my   peers:   even   though   we   barely   acknowledged   each   other   within
these   office   walls,   I   hope   that   in   the   future,   should   we   pass   on   the   street,   y
ou   will   regard   me   the   same   way   as   I   regard   you:   sans   eye   contact.  

But   to   those   few   souls   with   whom   I "ve   actually   interacted,   here   are   my   person
alized   notes   of   farewell:

To   Philip   Cress,   I   will   not   miss   hearing   you   cry   over   absolutely   nothing   while
  laying   blame   on   me   and   my   coworkers.   Your   racial   comments   about   Joe   Cobbinah
were   truly   offensive   and   I   hope   that   one   day   you   might   gain   the   strength   to   ap  
ologize   to   him.

To   Brenda   Ashby   whom   is   long   gone,   I   hope   you   find   a   manager   that   treats   you   a
s   poorly   as   you   have   treated   us.   I   worked   harder   for   you   then   any   manager   in   m
y   career   and   I   regret   every   ounce   of   it.   Watching   you   take   credit   for   my   work  
was   truly   demoralizing.

To   Sylvia   Keenan,   you   should   learn   how   to   keep   your   mouth   shut   sweet   heart.   Ba
d   mouthing   the   innocent   is   a   negative   thing,   especially   when   your   talking   abou
t   someone   who   knows   your   disgusting   secrets.   ;   )

To   Bob   Malvin   (Mr.   Cronyism   Jr),   well,   I   wish   you   had   more   of   a   back   bone.   You
  threw   me   to   the   wolves   with   that   witch   Brenda   and   I   learned   all   too   much   from
  it.   I   still   can "t   believe   that   after   following   your   instructions,   I   ended   up  
  getting   written   up,   wow.   Thanks   for   the   experience   buddy,   lesson   learned.

Don   Merritt   (Mr.   Cronyism   Sr),   I "m   happy   that   you   were   let   go   in   the   same   man
ner   that   you   have   handed   down   to   my   dedicated   coworkers.   Hearing   you   on   the   ph
one   last   year   brag   about   how   great   bonuses   were   going   to   be   for   you   fellas   in  
upper   management   because   all   of   the   lay   offs   made   me   nearly   vomit.   I   never   exp
ected   to   see   management   benefit   financially   from   the   suffering   of   scores   of   pe
ople   but   then   again,   with   this   company "s   rooted   history   in   the   slave   trade   it  
  only   makes   sense.

To   all   of   the   executives   of   this   company,   Jamie   Dimon   and   such.   Despite   workin
g   through   countless   managers   that   practiced   unethical   behavior,   racism,   sexism
,   jealousy   and   cronyism,   I   have   benefited   tremendously   by   working   here   and   I   t  
ruly   thank   you   for   that.   There   was   once   a   time   where   hard   work   was   rewarded   an
d   acknowledged,   it "s   a   pity   that   all   of   our   positive   output   now   falls   on   deaf
  ears   and   passes   blind   eyes.   My   advice   for   you   is   to   place   yourself   closer   to  
the   pulse   of   this   company   and   enjoy   the   effort   and   dedication   of   us   "faceless
  little   people"   more.   There   are   many   great   people   that   are   being   over   worked
and   mistreated   but   yet   are   still   loyal   not   to   those   who   abuse   them   but   to   the  
greater   mission   of   providing   excellent   customer   support.   Find   them   and   embrace
  them   as   they   will   help   battle   the   cancerous   plague   that   is   ravishing   the   mora
l   of   this   company.

So,   in   parting,   if   I   could   pass   on   any   word   of   advice   to   the   lower   salary   reci
pient   ("because   it "s   good   for   the   company")   in   India   or   Tampa   who   will   soon
  be   filling   my   position,   it   would   be   to   cherish   this   experience   because   a   job  
opportunity   like   this   comes   along   only   once   in   a   lifetime.

Meaning:   if   I   had   to   work   here   again   in   this   lifetime,   I   would   sooner   kill   mys
elf.

To   those   who   I   have   held   a   great   relationship   with,   I   will   miss   being   your   co-
worker   and   will   cherish   our   history   together.   Please   don "t   bother   responding
as   at   this   very   moment   I   am   most   likely   in   my   car   doing   85   with   the   windows   do  

One!